“I live in a constellation of intimates, and the shape of us is a family.” ― S. Bear Bergman, Blood, Marriage, Wine, & Glitter
The holiday season is a time for togetherness and joy, but for many in the LGBTQIA+ community, it can also bring challenges, particularly around acceptance and family dynamics. This time of year highlights societal expectations of familial connection, leaving some LGBTQIA+ individuals grappling with estrangement. However, the community’s tradition of creating chosen families—a cornerstone of LGBTQIA+ resilience—offers an inspiring testament to the power of love, acceptance, and self-affirmation.
Mental Health and Family Dynamics
The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) reports that 64% of individuals with mental health conditions experience worsening symptoms during the holidays, highlighting the season’s emotional strain on vulnerable populations.
For LGBTQIA+ individuals, already at higher risk for depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation compared to cisgender, heterosexual peers (Meyer, 2003), the holiday season often intensifies these challenges. For those disowned or estranged from their families, it is a painful reminder of the lack of acceptance and connection the season is meant to celebrate.
Safety and LGBTQIA+ Youth
According to a 2020 report by The Trevor Project, 29% of LGBTQIA+ youth feel unsafe at home due to their sexual orientation or gender identity. This figure is even higher among transgender and nonbinary individuals. LGBTQIA+ youth who experience high levels of rejection are more than eight times as likely to attempt suicide compared to peers who are supported by their families (Ryan et al., 2009).
The Trevor Project’s 2023 survey further underscores these struggles, showing that LGBTQIA+ youth who reported being accepted by at least one adult had significantly lower rates of suicide attempts. This highlights the critical role that acceptance—whether from family, friends, or chosen families—plays in improving mental health outcomes.
The Tradition of Chosen Families
Despite these challenges, the LGBTQIA+ community has long embraced the concept of chosen families, a practice rooted in persistence. For decades, LGBTQIA+ individuals have formed familial bonds with friends, partners, and community members who offer the acceptance and love that biological families may withhold. These chosen families create affirming spaces where individuals can authentically celebrate the holidays without fear of judgment.
Chosen family holiday traditions often include potlucks, gift exchanges, and shared rituals that reflect the community’s values of inclusivity and self-expression. A 2020 study published in Journal of Homosexuality found that LGBTQIA+ individuals who identified strongly with their chosen families reported higher levels of well-being and lower levels of depressive symptoms. This demonstrates the healing potential of creating supportive and affirming networks, particularly during challenging times like the holidays.
This tradition underscores a broader truth: family is not solely defined by biology but by the support and care that individuals provide for one another.
Creating Inclusive Holiday Spaces
While chosen families offer solace, the broader community can also help foster inclusivity during the holidays. Families, workplaces, and schools can create affirming environments by educating themselves about LGBTQIA+ identities and offering visible support. Organizations like PFLAG (Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) provide valuable resources to guide families toward understanding and acceptance.
Community centers, LGBTQIA+-friendly religious organizations, and advocacy groups can host holiday events to ensure everyone has a soft place to land. Simple gestures—such as using inclusive language, respecting pronouns, or inviting chosen families to join traditional gatherings—can make a significant difference in helping LGBTQIA+ individuals feel valued.
Celebrating Resilience and Love
During the holidays, the resolve of the LGBTQIA+ community shines as individuals transform what could be a painful time into one of joy and connection. By creating chosen families and inclusive spaces, they affirm their identities and honor the strength of community.
Real Change Starts Here
As society becomes more inclusive, addressing the mental health challenges faced by LGBTQIA+ individuals during the holidays is vital. Supporting chosen family traditions, fostering acceptance, and promoting mental health awareness can ensure everyone feels a sense of belonging and warmth this and every holiday season.
References
Meyer, I. H. (2003). Prejudice, social stress, and mental health in lesbian, gay, and bisexual populations: Conceptual issues and research evidence. Psychological Bulletin, 129(5), 674–697.
Mizielińska, J. (2020). “Is She Still a Family or Rather Some Stranger?” – Relative Strangers and Kinship Plasticity in Families of Choice in Poland. Journal of Homosexuality, 68(11), 1899–1922. https://doi.org/10.1080/00918369.2020.1712143
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). (n.d.). Holiday depression statistics. Retrieved from https://nami.org
Ryan, C., Russell, S. T., Huebner, D., Diaz, R., & Sanchez, J. (2009). Family acceptance in adolescence and the health of LGBT young adults. Journal of Child and Adolescent Psychiatric Nursing, 23(4), 205–213.
The Trevor Project. (2023). National Survey on LGBTQ Youth Mental Health. Retrieved from https://www.thetrevorproject.org
Comments